When you’re in the throes of limerence, it can be hard to imagine that the intense feelings of love and passion could ever end. But all relationships come to an end eventually, and limerence is no exception.
The good news is that there are signs that can indicate when the limerence is ending, so you won’t be caught by surprise. If you’re able to identify them and take action, you’ll be in a much better position to cope with the end of limerence.
So let’s explore what are some signs limerence is ending. But before we do that we should all be on the same page as to what is meant by limerence.
What Is Limerence
Most of us have been there before: you meet someone new and suddenly you can’t get them out of your head. You daydream about them constantly, and even the smallest interaction feels electric. This experience is known as limerence, and it’s marked by infatuation or intense preoccupation with the object of your affection.
Limerence is a state of mind which results from a romantic attraction to another person and is typically accompanied by strong feelings of affection and obsessional thoughts.
People who are limerent often feel that they cannot control their feelings and may worry obsessively about the other person’s feelings for them. While limerence can be a positive experience, it can also become all-consuming or one-sided. If you’re worried that your limerence is becoming unhealthy, it’s important to talk to somebody about it.
Remember, Limerence is not loved – it’s an infatuation or crush – and it’s important to be able to distinguish between the two.
Difference Between Limerence And Love
Love and limerence can both be intense feelings that lead us to behave in seemingly irrational ways. However, there are some key differences between the two emotions. But what exactly is love? And how does it differ from limerence?
To answer these questions, let’s take a look at the key differences between limerence and love:
- Love is built on a foundation of trust, mutual respect, and genuine friendship. Limerence, on the other hand, is often characterized by intense feelings of obsession and insecurity.
- Love is based on an emotional connection that grows over time. Limerence, on the other hand, often develops instantaneously and can fade just as quickly.
- People who are in love typically feel comfortable being themselves around their partner. People in limerent relationships often feel the need to put on an act or hide their true selves.
- People who are in love tend to have healthy relationships with others outside of their relationship. People in limerent relationships often become jealous and possessive of their partner.
So there you have it! The key differences between limerence and love. Now go out there and find your own version of happily ever after!
Stages Of Limerence
Limerence is a state of mind which results from a romantic attraction to another person and is typically accompanied by strong feelings of attachment, desire, and obsession. While limerence can be short-lived, it can also last for years and even a lifetime.
The concept was first proposed by psychologist Dorothy Tennov in her 1979 book, “Love and Limerence: The Experience of Being in Love.” In the book, Tennov proposed that there are four distinct stages of limerence:
- Stage 1: Attraction. This is the initial stage of limerence when you begin to develop strong feelings for another person. You may find yourself thinking about them constantly, daydreaming about them, and wanting to be around them as much as possible.
- Stage 2: Intensification. In this stage, the feelings of attraction become even stronger, and you may start to obsess over the object of your limerence. You may begin to idealize them and see them as perfect in every way. You may also start to worry that they don’t feel the same way about you, which can lead to anxiety and insecurity.
- Stage 3: De-intensification. This is the stage when the initial exhilaration of limerence begins to fade and reality starts to set in. You may begin to see the flaws in the object and realize that they are not perfect after all. The intensity of your feelings may start to lessen as well.
- Stage 4: Resolution. In this final stage, the feelings of limerence begin to dissipate completely and you are able to move on from the relationship. You may still have fond memories of your time together, but you are no longer obsessively thinking about them or longing for their presence.
How Long Does Limerence Last
While there is no definitive answer to the question of how long limerence lasts, it is generally agreed that the intensity of limerence tends to decline over time. This is not to say that the feelings associated with limerence necessarily disappear entirely, but rather that they become less all-consuming and more manageable with time.
There are several factors that can influence the duration of limerence, including the nature of the relationship between the two people involved and each individual’s capacity for emotional intimacy. Depending on these factors limerences can last from a few days, a few weeks, to a few months.
And if the feelings are mutual, and both individuals are willing to commit, limerence can even turn into love. Ultimately, however, the duration of limerence is something that varies from person to person.
Can Limerence Become Love?
Some people might say that limerence is just a fancy word for infatuation or a crush. However, limerence is actually a lot more intense and all-consuming than that. When you’re in the throes of limerence, you can’t think about anything else but the object of your affection.
You constantly obsess over their every move and wonder what they’re doing when they’re not with you. You might even go so far as to stalk them on social media or spy on them in real life. In short, limerence is all-consuming and can sometimes border on obsession.
So, can limerence become love? When it comes to limerence, there are a few key factors that need to be present in order for it to turn into love. First, there needs to be frequent and close contact between the two people involved. This could mean anything from texting all day to spending every waking moment together.
Second, both parties need to feel a strong emotional connection. This could manifest as butterflies in the stomach, an overwhelming desire to be around the other person, or even just a general feeling of happiness.
Finally, both parties need to be physically attracted to each other. This is usually evident from the very beginning, but it can also develop over time. If all of these factors are present, then it’s possible for limerence to turn into love.
20 Signs Limerence Is Ending
The limerent is usually someone who is unattainable, such as a celebrity, or someone who is already in a relationship. Limerence can also be one-sided, with the object of limerence being unaware of the feelings of the limerent. While limerence can be intense and all-consuming, there are a few signs that it may be ending. Here are 15 signs limerence is ending: limerent
1. You No Longer Think About The Person:
One sign that limerence may be ending is that the intensity of the feelings begins to fade. Once you were obsessed with every detail of your Limerent Object’s (LO) life, but now you find yourself able to go hours, even days, without thinking about them.
2. Your Feelings Are Less Intense:
The euphoric highs and desperate lows are leveling out into something more like a regular crush. This means that they are not as easily upset by thoughts of the object of their limerence, or by news about them.
3. You’re Not As Invested In The Outcome:
When you’re in the early stages of limerence, it feels like you’re constantly thinking about the object of your affection. You might daydream about what it would be like to be with them, or wonder what they’re doing at any given moment. But, as limerence starts to fade, you’ll find that you’re not as invested in the outcome.
You might still have strong feelings for the person, but you’ll be more accepting if things don’t work out. This is a sign that limerence is coming to an end, and that you’re starting to move on.
While it can be painful to let go of someone you care for, it’s important to remember that limerence is not a sustainable emotion. Sooner or later, it will come to an end – and when it does, you’ll be better off for it.
4. You No Longer Compare Everyone To Your LO:
In the early stages of limerence, it’s common to constantly compare the object of your affection to other people in your life. You might find yourself wondering if they are as smart as your friend’s new partner, or if they have the same great sense of humor as your favorite coworker.
However, as the limerence starts to fade, you’ll find that you no longer feel the need to make these comparisons. Instead, you’ll be able to see the person for who they really are, without constantly comparing them to others. This is a sign that your limerence is coming to an end, and that you’re finally moving on.
All those other people who used to pale in comparison to your LO now seem pretty attractive in their own right.
5. Your Fantasy Life Is Less Vivid:
When we limerence, we often build up an image of the other person in our heads that is almost too good to be true. We idealize them and put them on a pedestal, and as a result, our fantasy life becomes very vivid.
We can spend hours daydreaming about being with them and imagining what our life together would be like. However, over time, as the intensity of our limerence begins to fade, so does the vividness of our fantasy life.
You’re still daydreaming about being with your LO, but the scenarios are shorter and less scene-by-scene detailed than they used to be.
6. Your Daydreams Are More Realistic:
Rather than thinking only about the very best ways things could turn out between you and your LO, you’re also considering some of the less desirable outcomes (and how you would cope if they came to pass).
7. No Validation:
You don’t need constant validation from your LO anymore. In the early stages of limerence, you were always looking for signs that your LO reciprocated your feelings, but now you’re more confident in your own assessment of the situation and you don’t need external reassurance as much.
8. You Don’t Worry About Your Behavior:
Your behavior around your LO is more ‘normal’. In the early days of limerence, you might have gone out of your way to ‘accidentally’ run into your LO or found excuses to talk to them, but now you’re behaving more like a casual acquaintance would around them.
9. Small Talks:
Small talk is often cited as one of the signs limerence is ending. The intensity of the feeling is gradually replaced by more mundane conversations and interests.
Your conversations with your LO are less loaded. The awkward silences and loaded comments have given way to lighter small talk topics like the weather or current affairs.
This makes sense, as limerence is often described as an all-consuming passion that crowds out everything else in a person’s life. As limerence fades, it’s natural for people to start rebuilding their social lives and reconnecting with old friends. They may also find themselves drawn to new activities and hobbies.
So if you’ve been feeling less passionate about your limerent object lately, it could be a sign that the limerence is beginning to fade.
10. Avoiding Them:
You no longer watch their social media obsessively. In the past, you would have refreshed their Facebook page every five minutes to see if they’d posted anything new, but now you’ve lost interest in keeping tabs on their online activity.
11. When You Do See Them In Person, It’s No Big Deal:
Some people might say that when you do see the object of limerence, it’s no big deal is one of the signs limerence is ending. And, in a way, they’re right. After all, if you’re no longer obsessing over the person you’ve been limerent for, it’s a pretty good indication that your feelings have begun to fade.
However, it’s important to remember that limerence is a complex emotion, and there can be many signs that it’s coming to an end. For some people, they might start to feel more ambivalent towards the object of their limerence or find that they’re able to go longer periods of time without thinking about them.
Before, just being in the same room as your LO would send your heart racing, but now it’s just like seeing anyone else you know casually – there’s no special thrill anymore.
12. Not Feeling Guilt:
You can talk about other potential partners without feeling guilty. In the past, even thinking about flirting with someone else would make you feel disloyal to your LO, but now you realize that there’s nothing wrong with considering other options (even if you ultimately decide not to act on them).
13. See Someone Else Doesn’t Feel Like Cheating:
Dating or hooking up with other people doesn’t seem like cheating. Before, any kind of romantic encounter with someone other than your LO would have felt like a huge betrayal. But now you realize that as long as there’s no emotional connection involved, it’s not really cheating at all.
14. Increased Self-Awareness:
Your head is clearer when it comes to making decisions about your love life. The limerence fog has lifted and you’re finally able to think logically about what you want and what’s best for you (rather than what will make your LO happy). As limerence starts to lessen, the limerent may become more aware of their own thoughts and feelings.
This can be a positive thing, as it allows the limerent to start exploring their own wants and needs, independent of the object of their limerence. However, it can also be negative, as self-awareness can lead to self-doubt and insecurity.
15. You Don’t Miss being Limerent:
It might have been thrilling at first, but after a while being in a state of constant obsession and anxiety got old fast – and now that it’s lifting, you realize just how exhausting it was.
For many people, the end of a limerent relationship is a relief. It can be liberating to realize that you are no longer controlled by your feelings for someone else. When you no longer feel the need to constantly think about or obsess over the other person, it can be sign limerence is ending.
This doesn’t mean that you will never feel attracted to someone else – it just means that you are no longer consumed by limerence.
16. More Negative Feelings:
Once you’re in limerence, it’s easy to idealize your object of affection. Every little thing they do is perfect and you can’t imagine ever feeling anything but happiness when you’re around them. But as time goes on, it’s normal for some of the shine to wear off. You might start to notice their flaws more, or feel like you’re not getting the same level of attention you once were.
As the limerence begins to end, the limerent may start to experience more negative feelings towards the object of their limerence. They may find themselves getting angry with them.
And while it might feel like a bad sign at first, it’s actually a sign that the limerence is beginning to end. This is because limerence is based on an intense infatuation that isn’t sustainable in the long term.
As you get to know someone better, it’s natural for your feelings to become more realistic. So if you’re starting to feel more negative emotions towards your limerent object, it’s actually a good sign! It means you’re coming back down to earth and seeing them for who they really are.
17. Changed Perspective:
One of the tell-tale signs that limerence is ending is when your perspective changes. This usually happens gradually, but it can be a sudden shift as well. You start to see your object of limerence for who they really are, rather than the idealized version you had in your head. The flaws that you once found adorable now irritate you.
The things that used to make your heart race now leave you feeling cold. And the thought of being with this person no longer fills you with excitement but instead creates a sense of dread.
If you’re starting to see your limerence from a different perspective, it’s a sign that it’s coming to an end. And while it can be painful to let go of something that was once so all-consuming, it’s often for the best.
18. Desire For Space:
If you’re in the throes of limerence, you may find that all you can think about is the object of your affection. You may obsess over their every move, and feel consumed by jealousy if they so much as look at someone else. However, there can come a point where this intensity starts to fade, and you begin to feel a desire for space.
This can be a sign that your limerence is coming to an end, as you start to regain a sense of perspective and focus on other aspects of your life.
As limerence fades, the limerent may find themselves wanting more space from the object of their affection. They may feel like they need time away from them to think clearly, or they may start to feel suffocated by their constant presence.
19. Less Time Spent Together:
One sign that the limerence is coming to an end is that the limerent starts spending less time with the object of their affection. This may mean physical distance if they live far apart, or emotional distance if they see each other less often. It can also manifest as a general disengagement with activities that involve the object of their affection.
The final sign limerence is ending is that apathy sets in. The constant obsessing and preoccupation with thoughts of the limerent object give way to a more detached attitude.
This is because the limerent person starts to see the object as a real person, flaws and all, rather than an idealized version.
In addition, the countless hours spent fantasizing about the limerent object are replaced by a newfound interest in other activities. The individual no longer setters any store by what happens with respect to LO and is no longer bothered about it in any way.
How To Cope With The End Of Limerence
However, limerence can also be accompanied by anxiety and insecurity, and it is not uncommon for it to end abruptly. If you find yourself coping with the end of limerence, here are a few things that may help:
- Acknowledge your feelings: It is perfectly normal to feel sad, disappointed, or even angry when Limerence ends. Allow yourself to grieve the loss of what could have been.
- Talk to someone you trust: Talking to a friend or therapist can help you process your feelings and gain perspective. It can also be helpful to talk about your experiences with someone who has gone through something similar.
- Focus on self-care: Taking care of yourself is essential during this time. Make sure to eat healthy meals, exercise regularly, and get plenty of rest. This will help you physically and emotionally.
- Do something new: When Limerence ends, it can feel like your life has lost purpose. To combat this, challenge yourself to try something new. Take a class, start a hobby, or explore a place you’ve never been before. This will help you find excitement and joy in life again.
- Focus on other aspects of your life. When you are no longer consumed by thoughts of the person you were attracted to, you will have more time and energy to focus on other things in your life that are important to you. This can help prevent you from feeling overwhelmed by your feelings and can give you a sense of control over the situation.
- Accept that limerence is not love. It is important to remember that limerence is not the same thing as love. Just because you don’t feel limerence for someone does not mean that you don’t love them. Limerence is an infatuation or obsession with another person, while love is a deep feeling of affection and caring for another person.
5 Tips For Moving On After The End Of Limerence
When the limerence comes to an end, it can be hard to know how to move on.
Here are a few tips that may help:
- Allow yourself to grieve. Don’t try to push away your feelings or pretend they don’t exist. Acknowledge them and give yourself time to process them. It’s OK to be sad and to miss the excitement of limerence. Give yourself time to process your feelings.
- Talk to a therapist. If you find yourself struggling to let go of limerence, talking to a therapist can be helpful. They can help you understand your feelings and give you tools to deal with them.
- Reach out for support. If you’re finding it difficult to cope, reach out to friends or family members for support. Sometimes it can be helpful to talk to someone who has been through limerence before and knows what you’re going through. They can offer support and understanding. If you can’t trust anyone, then keeping a journal can be of help here.
- Keep busy. Staying busy can help take your mind off of limerence. Try new hobbies, volunteer, or take on new projects at work.
- Be patient. Healing takes time, so don’t expect to feel better overnight. Give yourself time to adjust to this new chapter in your life.
So there you have it, some signs that limerence may be coming to an end. Of course, every situation is unique and only you can really know for sure if your limerence is fading. But if you’ve been feeling less intense or consuming thoughts about your object of limerence, or if you’re finding it easier to focus on other aspects of your life, it’s possible that the limerence is starting to wear off.
And that can be a good thing! Once the intensity of the limerence fades, you may find that you have a more balanced, healthy relationship with the object of your limerence. So even though it can be tough to let go of those all-consuming feelings, it may be a sign that things are moving in a positive direction.