Are you constantly looking for someone else to define your worth and constantly striving for their validation? Do you find yourself willing to do whatever it takes to keep the peace and avoid confrontation? If so, it’s possible that you suffer from an attachment style known as codependency.

Millions of people around the world are affected by this condition, yet few understand what causes it or how those who struggle with it can break free from its grip. In this blog post, we’ll take a deep dive into the topic of codependent attachment styles and explore effective ways to overcome them once and for all.

Whether you have been personally affected by codependency or know someone in your life struggling with it, learning more about this important issue is critical for living a healthy, empowered life.

8 Signs of a Codependent Relationship

Codependency is a type of attachment style in relationships that can create an unhealthy dynamic. It occurs when one partner places the needs, happiness, and approval of their significant other before themselves.

If not addressed promptly, this codependent relationship pattern can lead to many issues such as diminished self-esteem, difficulty establishing boundaries, and even depression. There are several signs that can indicate whether you or your partner may be in a codependent relationship.

If you identify with any of the following, it may be time to seek professional help to learn how to break free from this unhealthy attachment style.

1. Inability to be Alone

Codependents may struggle with loneliness and fear of being alone. It often leads them to attach themselves too closely to another person or persons.

Here are a few other related signs:

• Feeling uncomfortable or anxious when not around the other person
• Making decisions with their partner’s desires in mind before their own
• Going above and beyond to please their partner, even if it compromises one’s own values or beliefs
• Putting other people’s needs and wants ahead of one’s own

2. Difficulty Setting Boundaries

Codependents often have difficulty setting healthy boundaries in their relationships and allowing others to have their own autonomy. They may try to control their partner’s behaviour, feelings, and decisions.

Here are a few other related signs:

• Not expressing their own feelings, needs, or opinions out of fear of upsetting the other person
• Struggling to say “no” and sticking to it
• Feeling guilt or shame for setting boundaries
• Feelings of resentment when their partner does not adhere to their boundaries

3. Difficulty Communicating

Codependents may have difficulty expressing their own needs or desires in a relationship. Instead, they rely on the other person to make them happy or fulfil their needs.

Here are a few other related signs:

• Avoiding conversations about their feelings
• Struggling to express negative emotions such as anger, fear and sadness
• Not being able to articulate what they need from the relationship
• Fear of conflict leads them to stay silent when needed

4. People Pleasing

Codependents may put too much emphasis on making other people happy, often to their own detriment. They may do things they don’t want to do or put up with treatment they wouldn’t normally tolerate in order to keep the peace or avoid conflict.

Here are a few other related signs:

• Doing things they don’t feel comfortable doing
• Sacrificing their own needs and desires to please others
• Feeling guilty if they don’t comply with another person’s wishes
• Feeling resentful for having to put someone else’s needs before their own

5. Fear of Abandonment

Codependents may have a deep-seated fear of abandonment, which could stem from past experiences or trauma. This can cause them to cling too tightly to their partner, even if the relationship is unhealthy.

Here are a few other related signs:

• Difficulty trusting other people or having faith in relationships
• Obsessive thinking about their partner and the relationship
• Having a hard time letting go, even in unhealthy relationships
• Being jealous or possessive of their partner

6. Low Self-Esteem

Codependents may have low self-esteem which leads them to search for acceptance from outside sources instead of having faith in themselves. This can lead them to become overly dependent on their partner.

Here are a few other related signs:

• Seeking validation from external sources such as their partner
• Engaging in unhealthy behaviours in an attempt to feel better about themselves
• Feeling inadequate or undeserving of love and affection
• Struggling to recognize their own unique strengths and abilities

7. Denial

Codependents may struggle with denial, viewing the relationship through rose-tinted glasses. They ignore any red flags that are present.

Here are a few other related signs:

• Refusing or minimizing the severity of problems in a relationship
• Ignoring warning signs of unhealthy behaviour
• Making excuses for another person’s bad behaviour
• Believing things will get better without taking action to make it happen.

8. Obsession

Codependents may become overly obsessed with their partner, to the point where they can’t focus on anything else in life. This can lead them to overlook important aspects of their own lives and identity.

Here are a few other related signs:

• Becoming preoccupied with the other person
• Putting all of their energy into the relationship and neglecting other important areas
• Overlooking signs that indicate a lack of reciprocity in the relationship
• Neglecting self-care activities such as hobbies and interests.

These seven signs are important indicators that someone is in a codependent relationship and should seek help in order to gain healthier relationships with themselves and others. Codependency can cause lasting damage, so it is important to seek professional assistance if you are in a codependent relationship.

Learning how to set boundaries and communicate your needs can help lead to healthier, more fulfilling relationships for all involved.

8 Characteristics of a Codependent Person

Codependency is a pattern of behaviour in which people rely heavily on others to find emotional satisfaction and identity. It can be damaging to both the codependent person and those they are dependent on, as it often results in unhealthy relationships.

People who struggle with codependency may exhibit certain traits that make them more susceptible to this type of behaviour. Here are eight of the most common characteristics of a codependent person.

1. High Level of Emotion

Codependent people often feel high degrees of both positive and negative emotions in their relationships. It makes it hard to see things clearly and objectively.

Here are a few other related characteristics:

• Feeling overly responsible for the feelings and actions of others
• Easily becoming overwhelmed in relationships
• Having difficulty controlling their emotions or masking them effectively.

2. Poor Communication

Codependents may have poor communication skills, making it difficult to tell their partners how they feel or express their needs. They may also feel like they are not being heard or understood.

Here are a few other related characteristics:

• Struggling to express their feelings and needs openly
• Having difficulty setting boundaries in relationships
• Feeling unheard when trying to communicate with their partner.

3. Low self-Worth

Codependents may have a low opinion of themselves, which can lead them to seek validation from their relationships. They may also engage in unhealthy behaviours in order to feel better about themselves.

Here are a few other related characteristics:

• Seeking validation and approval from others
• Having difficulty recognizing their own strengths and abilities
• Feeling inadequate or undeserving of love and affection.

4. Fear of Rejection

Codependent people may be afraid to express themselves in relationships due to fear of being judged or rejected. This can lead them to suppress their emotions and stay silent, even when they are uncomfortable in a situation.

Here are a few other related characteristics:

• Avoiding confrontation and difficult conversations
• Feeling anxious in social situations
• Staying in relationships even when they are unhappy.

5. Lack of Boundaries

Many codependent people lack the ability to set boundaries and make decisions for themselves. This can lead them to become overly dependent on others and give too much of themselves in relationships.

Here are a few other related characteristics:

• Feeling like they don’t have control over their own lives
• Allowing others to make decisions for them
• Not standing up for themselves or their beliefs.

6. Obsession with Control

Codependent people may have an obsession with controlling their environment and the people around them. This can lead to manipulation, guilt-tripping, and other forms of emotional abuse in order to get what they want from others.

Here are a few other related characteristics:

• Trying to control the actions and emotions of others
• Becoming overly involved in the lives of their loved ones
• Using manipulation tactics to get their way.

7. Difficulty Trusting

Codependents often struggle to trust others, which can lead them to become overly protective and clingy in relationships. They may also struggle to trust their own intuition, making it harder for them to make decisions.

Here are a few other related characteristics:

• Isolating themselves from others due to fear of being hurt
• Feeling jealous or possessive in relationships
• Having difficulty trusting their own instincts.

8. Difficulty Saying “No”

Codependents may have difficulty saying ‘no’ in relationships, even when it means compromising themselves or their values. This can lead them to become overburdened and resentful in their relationships.

Here are a few other related characteristics:

• Feeling fearful or anxious when asked to do something
• Taking on more responsibility than they can handle
• Feeling guilty for saying “no” and disappointing others.

These seven characteristics can be warning signs that someone is in a codependent relationship and should seek help in order to gain healthier relationships with themselves and others. Codependency can have long-term adverse effects, so it is important to seek professional assistance if you are in a codependent relationship.

Learning how to set boundaries and communicate your needs effectively can help lead to healthier, more fulfilling relationships for all involved.

5 Links Between Codependency and Attachment Trauma

Attachment trauma and codependency are two related issues that can have a profound impact on an individual’s life. Both attachment trauma and codependency refer to patterns of behaviour in relationships where one person is overly dependent upon the other and is unable to regulate emotions effectively.

Here are the five links between codependency and attachment trauma:

1. Fear of Abandonment

Codependency and attachment trauma often originate from fears of abandonment. People with codependent tendencies may have difficulty trusting their partners out of fear that they will be abandoned. While those with attachment trauma may struggle to become emotionally close to others due to unresolved feelings around the primary caregiver who left or was unavailable during childhood.

Here are a few other related features:

• Feeling anxious or panicked when their partner is not around
• Checking in constantly with their partner to make sure they are still there
• Struggling to be independent and rely on their partner for support.

2. Difficulty Communicating Needs

Many codependent people have difficulty communicating their needs, both out of fear of abandonment and due to attachment trauma. Those with attachment trauma may struggle to trust others enough to open up, while those with codependency may be too afraid of rejection or abandonment to speak up.

Here are a few other related features:

• Feeling like their needs don’t matter
• Taking on an extreme “caretaker” role in relationships
• Feeling guilty for speaking up and having needs.

3. Difficulty Setting Boundaries

Setting boundaries is an important part of healthy relationships, but it can be difficult for those with codependency or attachment trauma. Those with attachment trauma may struggle to set boundaries due to fear of rejection or abandonment, while those with codependency may put their partner’s needs before their own due to feelings of guilt and obligation.

Here are a few other related features:

• Feeling guilty for saying “no”
• Struggling to advocate for themselves
• Taking on responsibility for another person’s well-being.

4. Difficulty Trusting

Those with codependency and attachment trauma issues may struggle to trust, both in relationships and in themselves. They may have difficulty trusting their own instincts or the intentions of others due to feelings of insecurity or fear of abandonment.

Here are a few other related features:

• Doubting whether their decisions are right
• Feeling like they cannot rely on anyone but themselves
• Avoid taking risks due to fear of failure or rejection.

5. Low Self-Respect

Low self-esteem can be a common symptom of codependency and attachment trauma. Those with attachment trauma may feel unworthy or unlovable due to feelings around their primary caregiver. In contrast, those with codependency may struggle to value themselves due to feeling guilty for not meeting others’ expectations.

Here are a few other related features:

• Feeling like a burden to others
• Believing that they don’t deserve happiness
• Comparing themselves to others in an unhealthy way.

These five links between codependency and attachment trauma demonstrate how these two issues are intertwined and how they can both lead to unhealthy relationships with oneself and others. Recognizing and addressing these issues can help someone move towards healthier, more secure relationships.

7 Signs Of Codependent Avoidant Personality Disorder

Codependent Avoidant Personality Disorder (CADPD) is a form of codependency that can cause an individual to become overly reliant on others and be unable to stand up for themselves. Individuals with CADPD tend to struggle with forming healthy relationships due to a fear of abandonment and rejection.

Here are 7 signs of CADPD that can help identify if someone may have this condition.

1. Fear of Intimacy

People with a codependent avoidant personality disorder often have difficulty forming close, intimate relationships. It is due to a fear of being rejected or judged.

Here are a few other relevant signs:

• Difficulty with forming and sustaining relationships
• Avoiding intimate conversations or physical contact
• Feeling uncomfortable when someone gets too close.

2. Low Self-Esteem

Those with codependent avoidant personality disorder tend to have a poor sense of self-worth. It leads them to make decisions that are not always in their best interest.

Here are a few other relevant signs:

• Difficulty accepting compliments or positive feedback
• Feeling like they are not good enough
• Putting others’ needs before their own.

3. Difficulty Communicating Needs

People with a codependent avoidant personality disorder may struggle to express their needs and desires. It is due to fear of rejection.

Here are a few other relevant signs:

• Anxiety when initiating conversations or expressing feelings
• Feeling awkward in social situations
• Fear of speaking up for themselves.

4. Overly Dependent

Those with a codependent avoidant personality disorder may become overly dependent on others. They do so in an attempt to get validation and acceptance.

Here are a few other relevant signs:

• Needing constant reassurance from others
• Becoming clingy or possessive in relationships
• Feeling lost without someone else.

5. Fear of Abandonment

The fear of abandonment is a common symptom of codependent avoidant personality disorder. It can lead to feelings of insecurity and anxiety in relationships.

Here are a few other relevant signs:

• Difficulty trusting others
• Constantly seeking validation from others
• Anxious about being left alone.

6. Poor Boundaries

People with this disorder may struggle to set healthy boundaries due to fear of rejection or abandonment. It leads them to accept any kind of treatment from others.

Here are a few other relevant signs:

• Difficulty saying “no” to requests
• Allowing others to take advantage of them
• Feeling guilty when they do set boundaries.

7. Passive Aggressive Behavior

People with a codependent avoidant personality disorder may resort to passive-aggressive behaviour. They do so in order to protect themselves from hurt and rejection by trying not to get too close to someone.

Here are a few other relevant signs:

• Making sarcastic or hurtful comments
• Withholding affection or communication
• Being manipulative in relationships

These seven signs of codependent avoidant personality disorder can help people recognize if they are struggling with this issue. Learning how to manage the symptoms and seeking professional help can be vital in order to move towards healthier, more secure relationships with oneself and others.

 

5 Ways to Cure Codependent Attachment Style?

Codependency is a type of challenging attachment style that can be difficult to overcome. Those who are codependent often have difficulty establishing healthy and trusting relationships with others due to their need for external validation, control and approval.

Fortunately, there are ways to cure codependency and attachment issues so that individuals can lead healthier and more fulfilling lives. Here are five of them:

1. Develop Self-Awareness

Becoming mindful of one’s thoughts, feelings and beliefs can help in recognizing codependency attachment issues. Keeping a journal or engaging in activities that bring joy could be beneficial for anyone looking to manage their codependency.

Here are a few other curing methods:

• Identifying and understanding one’s triggers
• Practising mindful meditation
• Setting realistic goals
• Working on self-esteem issues
• Taking responsibility for thoughts and feelings.

2.  Learn Healthy Communication

Codependency can often lead to unhealthy communication patterns that can further damage relationships. Learning how to communicate in a healthy way can help break codependency attachment.

Here are a few other curing methods:

• Encouraging open and honest dialogue
• Expressing feelings in a respectful manner
• Listening actively with empathy and understanding
• Recognizing when one needs to take a break
• Being assertive without being aggressive.

3. Set Healthy Boundaries

Setting healthy boundaries can help individuals struggling with codependency attachment by providing a sense of security and control in relationships. It is important to be aware of one’s own limits and needs while also respecting the needs of others.

Here are a few other curing methods:

• Identifying triggers and vulnerabilities
• Respectfully communicating needs and wants
• Knowing when to say “no” without guilt or shame
• Learning how to be assertive in expressing emotions
• Developing an understanding of one’s own limits.

4. Practice Self-Care

Self-care is a crucial part of managing codependency attachment issues. Taking care of oneself in body, mind and spirit can help improve self-esteem, reduce stress and create feelings of well-being.

Here are a few other curing methods:

• Exercise and healthy eating
• Connecting with nature
• Engaging in hobbies or creative pursuits
• Taking time for yourself
• Practising self-compassion.

5. Seek Professional Help

Seeking professional help can be beneficial in managing codependency attachment issues. Professional therapists can provide guidance and support for those struggling with this issue, helping them to move towards healthier relationships.

Here are a few other curing methods:

• Attending counselling sessions
• Learning new coping skills
• Developing a better understanding of codependency
• Working through issues in a safe and supportive setting
• Exploring attachment styles.

By developing self-awareness, learning healthy communication, setting healthy boundaries, practising self-care, and seeking professional help, individuals struggling with codependency attachment issues can learn how to build healthier connections and form meaningful relationships.

Conclusion

If you are someone who struggles with codependency, it is important to learn more about your attachment style and how that affects your relationships. There are a number of resources available to help you do this, including books, therapists, and support groups. You don’t have to go through this alone – there is help out there for you.

Frequently Asked Questions

Can you be a codependent and avoidant attachment?

Yes, it is possible to be both codependent and avoidant in attachment style. This can manifest when a person’s coping mechanisms involve them being overly dependent on another while also trying to maintain a distance from them.

It is important for those struggling with both co-dependency and avoidance to learn healthy communication skills, set boundaries, and take time for self-care. It can also be helpful to seek professional help in order to explore and address these issues more deeply.

What type of attachment style do codependents have?

Codependents usually have an anxious-preoccupied attachment style. This means they tend to be overly dependent on others, sometimes at the expense of their own needs and emotional well-being.

They are often fearful of rejection or abandonment and may feel a need to control their environment in order to stay safe. Codependents can benefit from learning more about their attachment style, setting healthy boundaries, and practising self-care. It can also be helpful to seek professional help in order to explore and address codependency issues more deeply.

Can fearful avoidants be codependent?

Yes, fearful avoidants can be codependent. This can happen when a person’s coping mechanisms involve them being overly dependent on another while also trying to maintain a distance from them.

It is important for those struggling with both co-dependency and avoidance to learn healthy communication skills, set boundaries, and take time for self-care.

Is codependency an attachment disorder?

Codependency is not technically considered an attachment disorder; however, it can be strongly influenced by a person’s attachment style. People with codependent tendencies usually have an anxious-preoccupied attachment style and often seek out relationships in which they are overly dependent on one another as a way to cope with their fear of rejection or abandonment.

In order to address codependency issues, it is important to learn more about your attachment style, set healthy boundaries, and practice self-care. It can also be helpful to seek professional help in order to explore and address these issues more deeply.

Are relationships with Avoidants toxic?

Relationships with avoidants can be toxic if the attachment style of one or both partners is fearful-avoidant. This type of attachment usually involves being emotionally distant and avoiding intimacy. This can lead to feelings of rejection, abandonment, and mistrust in the relationship which can be damaging to both parties involved.

It is important that those in a relationship with an avoidant learn to set healthy boundaries and practice self-care. It can also be helpful to seek professional help in order to explore and address these issues more deeply.

What childhood trauma causes codependency?

Codependency can be caused or exacerbated by childhood trauma. This can include events such as neglect, abuse, and having an absent or emotionally unavailable parent.

These experiences can lead to a person developing patterns of codependent behaviour such as over-reliance on one’s partner for emotional support, controlling behaviour, and difficulty setting boundaries.

What are the roots of codependency?

Codependency is often rooted in childhood experiences. This can include events such as neglect, abuse, and having an absent or emotionally unavailable parent. These experiences can lead to a person developing patterns of codependent behaviour such as over-reliance on one’s partner for emotional support, controlling behaviour, and difficulty setting boundaries.

In order to address codependency issues, it is important to learn more about the roots of codependency, set healthy boundaries, and practice self-care. It can also be helpful to seek professional help in order to explore and address these issues more deeply.

Do codependents fear abandonment?

Yes, codependents often fear abandonment. This is usually a result of their attachment style, which is usually anxious-preoccupied. People with this attachment style are often overly dependent on others for emotional support and may become clingy in order to avoid being rejected or abandoned.

They may also try to control their environment in an effort to stay close to those to whom they are attached. In order to address codependency issues, it is important to learn more about their attachment style, set healthy boundaries, and practice self-care. It can also be helpful to seek professional help in order to explore and address these issues more deeply.

Are codependents anxious or avoidant?

Codependents are usually anxious-preoccupied, meaning that they have a strong need for emotional attachment and fear of abandonment. They may become overly dependent on others for emotional support and may become clingy in order to avoid being rejected or abandoned.

They also tend to engage in controlling behaviour in an effort to stay close to those to whom they are attached. In order to address codependency issues, it is important to learn more about your attachment style, set healthy boundaries, and practice self-care. It can also be helpful to seek professional help in order to explore and address these issues more deeply.

References:

Everette Coffman (June 23, 2020). Attachment Styles and the Family Systems of Individuals Affected by Substance Abuse. https://journals.sagepub.com/doi/full/10.1177/1066480720934487

Ingrid Bacon (August 21, 2018). The Lived Experience of Codependency: an Interpretative Phenomenological Analysis. https://link.springer.com/article/10.1007/s11469-018-9983-8