Hyper-Empathy: When You Start To Care Too Much

Have you ever sensed that you possess an uncanny ability to connect with the emotions of those around you? An innate sensitivity that allows you not only to comprehend but deeply absorb the feelings of others?

This intriguing phenomenon, known as hyper-empathy, can be akin to a remarkable superpower, enabling you to forge profound connections and offer unparalleled support. However, like any extraordinary gift, hyper-empathy comes with its complexities.

At times, this heightened emotional receptivity might feel burdensome rather than empowering.

Individuals who experience hyper-empathy often find themselves entwined with the emotions of others, almost as if these sentiments were their own. As we delve into this article, we will embark on a journey to unravel the intricacies of hyper-empathy and explore strategies to effectively navigate and harness this unique ability.

What Is Hyper-Empathy?

Hyper empathy refers to having really strong feelings and understanding what others are going through. It means feeling emotions very deeply, more than most people do.

Empathy, in general, is great because it helps us understand and care about others, but when it’s super intense like hyper empathy, it can be tough for the person experiencing it.

It’s not officially seen as a mental health disorder like what psychologists or psychiatrists usually recognize.

It’s more like being way, way up there on the empathy scale rather than having its own “diagnosis” like an empathy deficit. This doesn’t mean someone with hyper empathy has a mental health problem, but it can make dealing with emotions and reactions pretty hard.

Someone with hyper empathy might have really strong emotional reactions, even feeling what others are feeling as if it’s their own emotions. This can make it tough to set limits on their emotions and might make them feel super drained, always carrying the feelings of others.

And this intense empathy can mess with how they’re doing personally, making it hard to tell their feelings apart from others’ feelings. This can make it tough to work well in different social situations. Plus, having such strong emotions might cloud their ability to understand how someone else feels without actually feeling it themselves.


Understanding 2 Common Types of Empathy

Empathy is generally categorized into two main types: cognitive empathy and emotional empathy. These two forms of empathy involve distinct aspects of understanding and relating to the feelings of others.

1. Cognitive Empathy:

Cognitive empathy, often referred to as perspective-taking or mentalizing, involves understanding and being aware of someone else’s feelings and thoughts without necessarily feeling those emotions yourself. It’s about comprehending and identifying with another person’s perspective, putting yourself in their shoes, and understanding their point of view.

Characteristics of cognitive empathy include:

  • Perspective-Taking: The ability to understand and consider someone else’s viewpoint, thoughts, and emotions without feeling them personally.
  • Analytical Understanding: It involves rational thought, reasoning, and mental processing to comprehend and interpret the emotions and mental states of others.
  • Objective and Detached: Cognitive empathy allows one to remain more emotionally detached while understanding and reasoning about another person’s feelings and thoughts.

For instance, someone with strong cognitive empathy might understand that a friend is sad because they failed an exam without necessarily feeling that same sadness themselves.

2. Emotional Empathy:

Emotional empathy involves sharing and directly feeling the emotions and experiences of others. It’s about vicariously experiencing what another person is feeling, essentially “feeling their pain” or joy as if it were your own.

Emotional empathy leads to an immediate emotional response in alignment with the emotions of the person being observed or interacted with. Characteristics of emotional empathy include:

  • Shared Emotions: Experiencing the same or similar emotions as the person you’re empathizing with.
  • Physical and Emotional Reaction: Feeling a physical and emotional response in reaction to someone else’s emotions.
  • Feeling Connected: A sense of connection and emotional resonance with the other person’s feelings.

For example, someone with strong emotional empathy might feel deeply sad and teary when they see a friend crying, almost as if they are feeling that sadness themselves.

Both cognitive and emotional empathy are crucial for social interactions and relationships.

While cognitive empathy helps in understanding and perspective-taking, emotional empathy enables a more visceral and immediate connection to the emotions of others. An ideal balance between these two types of empathy allows for a more comprehensive and compassionate understanding of others while maintaining healthy emotional boundaries.

Hyper empathy can make you feel other's emotions

10 Key Signs of Hyper Empathy

People with hyper-empathy often feel emotions very intensely and might struggle to set boundaries or separate their own feelings from those of others. Signs of hyper-empathy can manifest in various ways:

Signs of Hyper-Empathy Description
1. Overwhelming Emotional Responses Experiencing intense emotional reactions to others’ feelings or situations, to the point where it disrupts your emotional well-being.
2. Difficulty Setting Boundaries Struggling to establish healthy emotional boundaries with others, resulting in being overly invested in their emotional experiences.
3. Physical Symptoms Experiencing physical symptoms like headaches, fatigue, or even illness in response to the emotional distress of others.
4. Absorbing Others’ Emotions Taking on the emotional energy and mood of those around you can lead to feeling the same emotions as them.
5. Sacrificing Personal Needs Prioritizing the needs and emotions of others over your own, often neglecting self-care and personal well-being.
6. Frequent Emotional Exhaustion Feeling drained or burnt out due to the constant absorption and processing of others’ emotions.
7. Difficulty in Conflict Situations Avoiding or feeling extreme discomfort in confrontational or conflict situations, as you fear causing emotional harm to others.
8. Inability to Disconnect Struggling to disconnect from the emotional experiences of others, even when it’s necessary for your own mental health.
9. Difficulty in Decision-Making Overthinking decisions, as you consider the potential impact on others’ emotions to an extreme degree.
10. Heightened Sensitivity Being acutely sensitive to environmental stimuli, such as noise, light, or even energy, which can intensify emotional responses.

6 Mental Health Issues Linked With Hyper Empathy

Hyper-empathy, or having an extremely heightened ability to sense and feel the emotions of others, can be both a personality trait and a potential manifestation of various mental health conditions. It’s essential to note that while empathy itself is generally seen as a positive trait, an excessive level of it can sometimes lead to challenges in mental health and well-being.

Mental health issues that can be associated with hyper-empathy include:

1. Anxiety Disorders:

Individuals with anxiety disorders often experience a heightened sense of emotional contagion, absorbing and mirroring the feelings of others. Their hyper-empathetic responses can result in an overwhelming emotional load, affecting their own mental state and potentially intensifying their anxiety symptoms.

Their cognitive empathy may become overshadowed by an inability to separate others’ emotions from their own, contributing to emotional dysregulation.

2. Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD):

BPD can diminish your ability to understand others accurately. Understanding what someone else feels or thinks might be challenging, leading to misjudgments about their emotions.

Additionally, borderline personality disorder heightens emotional sensitivity.

For instance, you might overreact to movies or news and become intensely passionate about causes such as animal rights or environmental conservation.

3. Anxious Attachment:

Individuals with an anxious attachment style often experience an intense need for emotional closeness, leading them to over-engage in the emotional experiences of others. This hyper-empathetic behavior might manifest as an excessive focus on meeting others’ needs, often at the expense of neglecting their emotional well-being and boundaries.

The struggle to balance their emotional investment in others can result in emotional turmoil and self-neglect.

4. Lack of Empathy for Oneself:

A lack of empathy for oneself can be a breeding ground for hyper-empathy. When you struggle to connect with and understand your own emotions and needs, you may inadvertently overcompensate by becoming hyper-attuned to the emotions of others.

This overinvestment in others’ emotions and experiences can lead to emotional exhaustion and affect your overall mental well-being.

Don't lack empathy for your ownself

5. Codependency:

Those with codependent tendencies often engage in hyper-empathetic behavior, making it challenging to differentiate their emotions from those they are closely connected to. This can foster an unhealthy over-involvement in the emotional lives of others, often to the detriment of their mental health and personal boundaries.

Codependent individuals may struggle to find a healthy balance between caring for others and preserving their well-being.

6. Victimhood and Projection:

Those entrenched in a victim mentality may often display hyper-empathetic behavior by projecting their own emotions onto others. This projection leads them to excessively resonate with the pain or distress of those around them, blurring the lines between their own emotions and those they’ve absorbed.

This can result in an emotionally burdened state, where their emotional boundaries are obscured by the feelings they’ve adopted from others.

Is Hyper Empathy a Trauma Response? 3 Things to Consider

Hyper-empathy can indeed be a response to trauma, although it’s not universally experienced and can manifest in various ways among individuals. It refers to an intense or heightened sensitivity to the emotions and experiences of others. Trauma, particularly repeated or severe trauma, can lead to hyper-empathic responses in some people as a way to cope or protect themselves.

Here’s how hyper-empathy may be linked to trauma:

  1. Survival Mechanism: In some cases, individuals who’ve experienced trauma may develop hyper-empathy as a coping mechanism. Being hyper-aware of others’ emotions can help them anticipate potential threats or volatile situations.

  2. Empathizing as Self-Protection: Being hyper-empathetic might serve as a way to connect with others in an attempt to prevent harm or conflict. This may stem from a subconscious need to create a supportive environment, possibly due to experiencing a lack of safety or support in their past.

  3. Empathizing with the Trauma of Others: People who’ve experienced trauma might be more attuned to the suffering of others, as they intimately understand what it’s like to endure pain. This heightened empathy might be a way to connect with and help individuals who are going through tough times.

Who Is More Prone To Hyper-Empathy: Men Or Women?

Hyper-empathy is more common in women than in men, and there are several scientific explanations for this. First of all, women tend to be more emotionally intelligent than men.

This means that they are better able to understand and express their emotions. Additionally, women have a higher level of the hormone oxytocin, which is known as the “cuddle hormone” or the “love hormone.”

Oxytocin is responsible for bonding, trust, and empathy, and has been shown to increase generosity and cooperation. Finally, research has shown that women’s brains are more “left-brained” than men’s brains. This means that they tend to be more logical and analytical, but also more empathetic.

All of these factors contribute to why women are more likely to be hyper-empaths than men.

10 Ways To Manage Your Empathic Abilities

Struggling with hyper-empathy can be very draining, you constantly feel the emotions of those around you. Here are 10 ways to help manage your empathy and live a more balanced life.

1. Educate Yourself On Hyper-Empathy: 

Hyper-empathy is a condition that causes people to feel the emotions of other people more intensely than usual. People with hyper-empathy may feel overwhelmed by the emotions of others and may find it difficult to manage their own emotions.

It is important to educate yourself on this condition if you think you may be affected by it. There are many resources available online, and you can also talk to your doctor or therapist for more information.

2. Seek Out A Therapist Or Counselor: 

If you are struggling to manage your emotions, it may be helpful to seek out professional help. A therapist or counselor can provide you with support and guidance as you work through your feelings. They can also offer coping mechanisms and advice on how to deal with hyper-empathy.

3. Connect With Other People Who Also Have Hyper-Empathy: 

It can be helpful to connect with other people who understand what you are going through. There are many online forums and support groups for people with hyper-empathy, and these can be great resources for sharing tips and advice.

Connecting with others who have similar experiences can help reduce feelings of isolation and loneliness.

4. Find Healthy Ways To Manage Your Emotions: 

There are many healthy ways to manage your emotions. Some methods that may be helpful for people with hyper-empathy include yoga, meditation, journaling, and deep breathing exercises. It is important to find what works best for you and to practice these techniques regularly.

5. Avoid People And Situations That Cause You Stress Or Emotional Pain: 

If certain people or situations are triggering or overwhelming, it is important to avoid them as much as possible. This may mean limiting contact with certain family members or friends or avoiding crowded places during busy times. It is okay to put your well-being first, and there is no shame in taking steps to protect yourself from harm.

6. Seek Out Positive And Supportive Relationships: 

It is important to have positive and supportive relationships in your life. These relationships can provide emotional support and stability during difficult times. Seek out relationships with people who make you feel good about yourself, and who appreciate and support your quirks and differences.

7. Be Patient With Yourself: 

It takes time and effort to change the way we behave and think, especially if we have been doing things a certain way for a long time. Be patient with yourself as you work through these changes, and don’t expect too much too soon. Rome wasn’t built in a day!

8. Practice Setting Boundaries And Say No When Needed: 

One way to protect yourself from emotional pain is by setting boundaries. This means being clear about what you are willing (and not willing) to do or experience.

personal boundaries can help with hyper-empathy

It can be difficult at first but it is an important skill to develop. You also need to learn how to say no when needed. This means refusing requests or invitations that are not compatible with your needs or values.

Saying no can be hard but it is an essential part of self-care.

9. Find Outlets For Your Emotions:  

When we don’t have a safe place to express our feelings, they often end up manifesting in other ways, such as physical symptoms, overeating, drinking, etc.

It is therefore essential to find outlets for our emotions. Some good options include writing, painting, singing, dancing, etc. These activities allow us to release our feelings in a healthy way, without harming ourselves or others.

10. Take Breaks Throughout The Day To Practice Self-Care

When we’re constantly focused on work, it’s easy to let our health and well-being fall by the wayside. However, it’s essential to take regular breaks throughout the day to practice some self-care.

This could involve taking a quick walk around the block, meditating for 10 minutes, or simply sitting down with a cup of tea. By taking a few minutes for yourself each day, you’ll be able to recharge and feel more refreshed when you return to your work.

5 Treatments For Hyper-Empathy 

Sometimes, people with hyper empathy need a little extra help to focus and function, because they are constantly tuned in to the feelings of others. You might be wondering what you can do to make life a little easier for yourself. Here are 5 treats that can help soothe your hyper-empathy!

1. Cognitive-Behavioral Therapy

Cognitive-behavioral therapy is a type of psychotherapy that aims to help people understand and change their thoughts and behaviors. It is often used to treat conditions such as depression, anxiety, and addiction.

Cognitive-behavioral therapy for hyper-empathy may involve teaching people how to manage their emotions, set boundaries, and deal with difficult situations.

2. Psychoeducation

Hyper-empathy is a condition that can be treated with psychoeducation. Psychoeducation involves providing information to the sufferer about their condition and its causes. This can help the person to understand their condition better and to develop more effective coping mechanisms.

In addition, psychoeducation can help to reduce the stigma attached to hyper-empathy, which can often make sufferers feel isolated and alone. While there is no cure for hyper empathy, psychoeducation can be an effective way to manage the condition and improve the sufferer’s quality of life.

3. Dialectical Behavior Therapy

Dialectical behavior therapy, or DBT, is a type of cognitive-behavioral therapy that was originally developed to treat patients with borderline personality disorder. However, recent studies have shown that DBT can also be an effective treatment for hyper-empathy.

The goal of DBT is to help patients learn to regulate their emotions and manage difficult situations more constructively. The therapy focuses on four main areas: mindfulness, interpersonal effectiveness, emotion regulation, and distress tolerance.

Through individual and group sessions, patients learn skills in each of these areas that they can then use in their everyday lives. In addition to improving emotional regulation, DBT has also been shown to reduce hyper-empathy symptoms such as anxiety and depression.

4. Mindfulness-Based Cognitive Therapy

Mindfulness-based cognitive therapy, or MBCT, is a treatment for hyper-empathy that combines cognitive therapy with mindfulness meditation. MBCT aims to help people become more aware of their thoughts and feelings and to develop a non-judgmental attitude towards them.

The theory behind MBCT is that by becoming more aware of our thoughts and feelings, we can learn to control them, rather than being controlled by them. MBCT is effective in reducing the symptoms of hyper-empathy, and it is thought to work by helping people to better regulate their emotions.

5. Schema-Focused Therapy

Schema-focused therapy is a form of cognitive-behavioral therapy that is designed to help people understand and change their core beliefs about themselves. This type of therapy can be helpful for people who have hyper-empathy because they may have a schema (or fundamental belief) that they are not good enough or that they are not deserving of love and attention.

Schema-focused therapy can help people identify these beliefs and challenge them, which can ultimately help reduce the symptoms of hyper-empathy.


So, is hyper-empathy real? While there’s still more research to be done on the topic, it seems that hyper-empathy is a genuine phenomenon. And while it might not be as widespread as conventional empathy, it’s clear that it exists and plays an important role in the lives of those who have it. So if you think you might be a hyper-empath, don’t hesitate to reach out to a professional for further guidance. Thanks for reading!


Marco Iacoboni. (2009). Mirroring people : the science of empathy and how we connect with others. Picador EBooks. https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC5513638/

Greenberg, D. M., Baron-Cohen, S., Rosenberg, N., Fonagy, P., & Rentfrow, P. J. (2018e). Elevated empathy in adults following childhood trauma. https://doi.org/10.1371/journal.pone.0203886

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